Children at Birth
Many people have told me they don’t want to have their existing children be a part of their upcoming labor or birth process because its going to “traumatize their child”
Witnessing birth is not traumatic, however witnessing violence, assault, and abuse is. The way birth has been depicted by mainstream “medicine” and Hollywood would lead anyone to believe birth is violent and assaulting. Women screaming, people in panic, fear in everyones eyes. This is not birth.
I’ve witnessed traumatic birth and it’s always caused by unnecessary medical interventions and the conventional urgent care model being overlaid onto the normal, natural process of birth.
“Most complications in birth occur when nature is disturbed” -Dr. Robert A Bradley
One of the reasons most of the present generation feels deep fear surrounding birth is because they never witnessed a normal birth, they grew up being shielded from what is real and ensnared in a fear driven echo chamber of drama and lies.
If we give our children the opportunity to witness our births, they will be given an invaluable gift. It will show them that creating life and bringing it to earth is nothing to be afraid of.
If we keep our child hidden from the process, then you will most likely experience a lack of sibling integration amongst your children. One day mommy is pregnant, a few days later a baby appears requiring all of mommy’s attention. Talk about confusion and trauma. Give your child a role and open them up to the opportunity of being a loving and caring sibling who is also excited to welcome someone new to their family.
Preparing your existing children for the birth of their sibling:
First you must commit to your own childbirth education & dispel any fears of your own
Show your child birth videos of normal, physiological birth
Explain pollination as the transfer of pollen from a male part of a plant to the stigma (female part) of a plant, later enabling fertilization and the production of seeds. This is a great way to explain creation of life if you’re not ready to discuss sperm and eggs, although I recommend just going straight for the latter (de-sexualizing pro-creation)
Plan for a peaceful environment where your child can participate, this is typically at home or a stand-alone birth center- not the hospital.
Ask your child what types of tasks they would like to perform at the birth, perhaps dipping washcloths into cold water and putting them on mommy’s neck- children are amazing helpers if we give them a chance. They will engage for some time then find something else they want to do.
Give them tasks for postpartum/when their sibling arrives; “brushing baby’s hair” + “gentle foot massages” + helping pick out baby’s clothes + bringing mommy a snack while she breastfeeds.
If you would like more support with this transition book a 1-1 session with me through this link.
Warmly,
Eyla